Day Four --- Blair Hills
Ashes to ashes…dust to dust…
The words kept playing in my head like the hook of some stupid song that I couldn’t shake no matter how hard I tried. I had made my first acquaintance with death when I was six- years- old and at fifteen it was still the heartless interloper that you never got use too.
Ashes and dust. That’s all my mother is now is ashes and dust…
I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that I’m watching my mother being lowered into the ground.
“This is a sad day for us,” Rev. Murphy continued, “But not for Miasha Bryant, for today she is home with God.”
I had to bite on my lip to keep from laughing. That was supposed to make me feel better People had been trying to make me feel better since it happened. My mom’s supposed best friend, that stupid Tonya, even said that Mom wouldn’t want me to be sad. Well, I’m pretty sure that Mom didn’t want to be beaten to death in her bedroom by her husband either, so her wishes were apparently not important in the scheme of the universe.
“When something like this happens, we cannot help but ask ourselves, how can God have allowed it,” Rev. Murphy droned on. There was sweat dripping down his fat, dark face even though it was sprinkling and everyone else at the grave sight was huddling together to keep warm. “But I tell you,” he continued. “That as hard as it is for us to believe right now. God has a plan. It may not be a plan that we like. It may not even be a plan that we are capable of understanding. But that is the very nature of faith, Trusting when we can’t see the way.”
There were a few “Amens” sprinkled throughout their gathering. There was this one… I turned around and I couldn’t believe it.
“I can’t believe that Lisa had the nerve to show up here,” said Tonya.
Aunt Janet squeezed me closer. “Just ignore it.”
“The hell I will,” she said, moving towards her.
Aunt Janet grabbed her arm. “This is my sister’s funeral and you will not turn it into some type of WWF fight.”
“We wouldn’t need a funeral if her BROTHER WASN’T A MURDERER!”
Everyone turned to look at us.
“Enough,” whispered Aunt Janet tightly. “My sister may not have lived her life with any dignity, but we are going to bury her with some do you understand me?”
Tonya nodded and I stiffened, seething. Lisa had a lot of nerve showing her face here when it was her brother who had done this.
“I want to offer my prayers to those who are left behind. Her sister Janet Wakefield, her nieces Kendra and Karla and of course the prayers of this congregation and indeed the whole world, goes out to Miasha’s only child Fallon Elizabeth Colby.
I could hear the clicking of the cameras behind her. The media had jumped all over this story from the moment it broke. My mother, who couldn’t even get the cops to honor her restraining order when she was alive, was now the poster girl for domestic violence and she was, as anchorwoman Nancy Gail put it, “the tragic symbol of an all-too common unspeakable act.”
Rev. Murphy was still talking. Would he never stop talking?
“Sister Fallon, I know right now you feel lost and alone, but know that no matter how it may seem God has not forsaken you. Right now it may seem impossible, but trust in Him for He does have a plan. And now I ask you to not only pray for Maisha’s family, but for her husband’s Josiah’s as well. For we cannot forget that there are two families who have been shattered by this tragedy.
My body began to shake in anger. Two families? Two families? Last time that I checked I was the one burying my mother, while the family of Josiah Johnson was running around telling every body who would listen that he was innocent.
“We will now return Sister Bryant to the earth from which we came. The family is now invited to put dirt over her final resting place.”
I watched my Uncle Tyler and my cousins walk in front of the hole, or grave, or whatever, but I literally could not move. Aunt Janet pulled me forward and my legs seemed heavier with every step. As I walked forward I tried to ignore the crowd, most of whom barely didn’t even know my mother and were just trying to get on the six o clock news ,but I couldn’t block out their voices, which also seemed to get louder
“She found her you know.”
One step…
“That girl’s going to be screwed up for life.”
Two steps…
“She’s still young. She’s only fifteen. She may still be okay.”
Three steps…
“I heard that Miasha fought so hard that her nails were ripped off.”
“It’s true, Janet had to rush to CVS for press on nails before the viewing.”
Finally there…
I picked up a hand full of dirt and poured it into the grave. It is a horrible feeling to know that you are
sealing your own mother into the cold, dark ground. I could hear every bit of dirt falling and as the last bit
left my hand it started to rain. The crowd finally scattered.
It was finished.
My mother was really gone. Someone pulled me into a hug, thinking that it was Aunt Janet I began to
return the hug, but pulled back in disgust when I found myself staring at Lisa.
“Get off me.” It was a quiet command, but the anger behind it was enough to get my aunt to rush to my side.”
Lisa folded her arms. “Fallon, I know that you’re upset, but there is no reason to be rude.”
“You’re kidding right?”
“No matter what I’m still you’re aunt.”
“Was my Aunt. Our relationship was severed when your brother invoked that silly till death do you part clause.”
“You have a very fowl mouth just like your…”
“Mother?”
“Yes.”
“And we all know what a low tolerance people in your family have for fowl mouths. I can remember
your brother beating my mother with a extension cord because she dared to tell him that he needed to get off
his lazy ass and get a job.”
“He could always push her buttons, “ Lisa whispered.
“Hey,” I said, moving forward. “Just like you’re pushing mine.” I gave her one hard shove and she fell down hard.
“Fallon!” Aunt Janet reproached. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I didn’t answer.”
“I’m sorry Lisa,” Janet said, looking down at her. “Fallon needs more time.”
“There isn’t enough time in the world to ever embrace my mother’s killer’s sister. ”Lisa
“Alleged killer,” said Lisa getting up.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“May I remind you that your mother and my brother were separated at the time of the attack.”
“He’s the one who needed to be reminded of that.”
“Josiah said that he had a feeling that Maisha was seeing another man, and given her past.”
“LEAVE!” I yelled, lunging at her.
“Get mad all you want little girl, but remember. What is done in the dark will come to light.”
I was flailing around in my Aunt’s arms, desperate to get away from her, desperate to get to this inhumane cunt who would use my mother’s funeral as a PR stunt for her monster of a brother. When Janet was out of sight, Aunt Janet let me go.
“Let’s go home,” she said.
Home? What home? I didn’t have a home anymore.
I turned away from my aunt and let the rain wash over me.
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